Bad Poems

• Saw Mean Girls for the first time. Allow me to question why in fuck’s name those school buses were going that fast. Seriously, it’s like 2 Fast 2 Furious met The Magic School Bus.
• Saw TDKR. Got weirdest boner watching Catwoman. No, scratch that (hey!): I got the most understandable boner in the history of boners
• But she should have been wearing sneakers, or something, but NOT STILETTOS. Seriously.
• Worked for a indie doc film company. It went pretty well. Beef up dat resume.
• Playing Erik Satie’s Gnossienes on the piano. I can play through 3 of them concert-level with music. Only been playing for 3-ish days. Fuck yeah.
• Playing selections from Mussorgsky’s Pictures at an Exhibition. That’s…not going as well. Still good though! Sort of.
• Meh.
• …meh.

Anonymous asked: what is the relationship between Neil Tyson and gophers?

Both are frightened of badasses.

I forgot how hilarious you all are.

Not intentionally, though - I’m talking about all the special snowflakes and activists on here.

That shit’s the REAL comedy.

Apparently the summer is a great time for television.

First we had the Summer Olympics, always awesome, and now it’s Shark Week.

I guess the only thing to do is a crossover event between the two.

THIS SUMMER

We haff ta get ta hoiya grownd!

LONDON GOES

Quick, everybody up the hill! No time for queuin’!

SHARK

starring Michael Phelps, Ryan Lochte, Missy Franklin, and Nic Cage

You never know when you might need a fucking machine gun to stop a petty thief.

If you want to shorten it, make it “TDKR”. Or Dark Knight Rises. Or something. But it is not “The Dark Knight”.

Top post on #lol right now, I am looking directly at you. I am looking right up your vagina into the crevices of your uterus right now, as I write this post.

It’s The Dark Knight Rises. Not The Dark Knight. Dumbfucks.

- A dislike button, preferably in the shape of a middle finger that would send an automatic message saying “Fuck your blog”

- A button that means “you obviously stole this shit from reddit you fucking liar”

- A button that means “look, I saw this on reddit a while ago and this post is pretty old so I don’t know who posted it first, but just know that I am watching you and I know what you’re doing”

- A button next to the “follow” and “dashboard” buttons in the corner of the screen on a tumblr homepage that says “I appreciate the effort you put into maintaining this site, but this just doesn’t interest me enough on a daily basis to follow it”. This would be useful for sites like kimjongillookingatthings and lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.

- A button called “emphatic unfollow” which gives an alert to the person you’re unfollowing that that happened. Yeah, that’s right bitch. Deal with it.

- A button saying “I need you to reopen anonymous asks so that I can send you hate mail.”

- A button saying “I need you to reopen anonymous asks so that I can send you love mail without being creepy.”

- A button saying “I get that you have a lot of opinions about things but you are just fucking wrong a lot and someone needs to tell you that. Also, anonymous ask is closed because I’m guessing you got a lot of what you would call “hate mail” or using your terminology “cis-privileged people misunderstanding ableism” so yeah.”

- A button saying “Clean up your fucking grammar”.

Karp, get on this shit.